


I'm So Sorry

by christinawithav



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 13:31:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10164053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinawithav/pseuds/christinawithav
Summary: Simon kneels beside the man who had done so much for him, if only he hadn't been such a fool. AU if Raphael hadn't made it out.





	

Disclaimer: Only the fic is mine.

 

AN: I was thinking Raphael truly was dead while Simon was walking among the casualties. This is what if he was. Unbeated.

***

Simon stared at the dark skinned vampire that had been one of the toughest on him when he had lived at the Dumort.

 

He closed the man's eyes and stood up slowly, Simon knew he was stalling, putting off the moment that would be so painful.

 

Clary had brought him the news an hour ago.

 

“Raphael was in the institute when the sword was activated, he didn't make it.”

 

Clary had squeezed his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Simon."

 

Simon took a deep breath and went over to where Clary told him where Raphael would be.

 

He saw someone else next to him, tears in her eyes.

 

What the hell was Isabelle Lightwood doing there?

 

"I'm sorry I used you to help only myself, if you'd been at full strength, maybe you would've realized what was happening and found a way out."

 

She squeezed his hand, "I promise you, I'm going to beat my yin fin addiction and honor you that way."

 

Isabelle quickly hurried out of the room.

 

Simon took a deep breath and knelt next to the man who had helped him so much.

 

Raphael's formerly bronze skin was pale, paler than Simon had ever seen on a vampire. His eyes were closed in eternal sleep.

 

Simon could still see in his mind how dark and laser like they'd been.

 

And they had held affection in them.

 

At least until Simon had betrayed him, throwing away everything they'd been through.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you Raphael, I'm sorry I let myself forget everything you did for me."

 

Tears slid down Simon's cheeks, "I'm sorry I was a total douchebag, you just wanted to protect the clan, your family, and I was just too selfish, too caught up in Clary to see it."

 

He recalled the confrontation at Magnus's, "I'm sorry I called you scar face, you've always been beautiful."

 

Simon took Raphael's hand, which of course was cold.

 

"I wished we could've come through this together and I could've taken the chance to redeem myself."

 

It wasn't fair this beautiful man was no more.

 

What would things have been like if they'd had more time together?

 

Simon knew he'd been attracted to Raphael but had repressed it, he thought he'd seen moments where Raphael had felt something.

 

But Simon had been too horrified at his new life as a vampire, trying to see Raphael as his abductor, connected to Camille, instead of someone who just wanted to atone and do good for others.

 

"I'm going to try to make things right with the clan, Raphael, I'm going to try to be a better vampire."

 

Simon kissed Raphael on the forehead, when nightfall came he'd find the clan and see what arrangements they had for those that passed on.

 

Simon slowly stood up and a Shadowhunter who had been covering the dead put a blanket on Raphael.

 

Simon went into an empty hallway, sank to his knees, and let himself sob.

 

AN: I kind of liked, kind of hated the season finale. I'm glad the Raphael/Izzy crap is over with but I despise Izzy for what she said to Raphael, and how she treated him, so I decided to make her a better person here. Wished we could've gotten a Simon/Raphael scene of some kind. Hopefully when episodes come back in June.


End file.
